The Inevitable Pre-Trip Visa Gripe

Visas. Those little stickers that look so impressive in your passport......

In my time I've been to all sorts of nice, little, unassuming countries, places that let you buy a lengthy tourist visa for a reasonable fist full of dollars just before you enter, right on the border. True, the officials manning these checkpoints may be a little on the gruff side, but hey, theirs is a sour lot in life, so a degree of testiness is perfectly understandable. No, the wee places of the world are fine - what I disagree with is the scams pulled by the big guys.

The superpowers of the world, with their "we're so powerful everybody hates us" paranoia, do their utmost to make it as annoying as possible when you want to breach their lines. For a start they make you pay silly amounts of money for the dubious pleasure of standing on their soil - The Chinese visa costs upwards of 45 pounds, and the Russian one a cool 30 (and thats after paying a travel company a hefty sum for an official "invitation," which is, from what I can tell, a useless piece of paper celebrating the fact that they've just made some more money from a poor traveller (me)). Even the coniving Belarusians are getting in on the act, demanding the possession of a transit visa for everyone travelling to Russia through their little country. That's another 20 bob! And unless you are willing to hand over an extorionate amount of cash and pay for a 2 or 3 day express visa, it takes weeks to process your request, even when they first tell you it would be 8 days.......

All this I know because I am due to leave the familial home in 10 days to journey through Russia and China, but the bastard Russians still have my passport! I phoned them up the other day to see about the delay (I earlier alluded to the fact I was under the impression it took 8 days to process) and was told in no uncertain terms that I ought to read things properly and it takes over two weeks. At which point the apathetic Soviet nationalist on the London end of the phone unceremoniously hung up. The bitch.

So, my predicament at the minute is thus; I currently possess all the tickets I need to get me to Moscow, departure date being the end of this month. I currently do not possess, however, my passport, the most vital part of my travelling ensemble. It is in the Russian consulate in London, and is not going anywhere else in a hurry. This in itself would not be a problem, but coupled with the fact I also need to procure a Belarus transit visa before I get into Russia and a Chinese visa to leave Russia, time is running severely thin. Oh, and as I said, I leave N.I. in just over a weeks time in order to visit mine siblings in Wales and Manchester respectively. Which leaves me no time to sort out all these bloody visas........